The Precious Gift I Received 17 Years Ago

My little girl turns 17 today. In a year, that girl that thought the little tea set with pink flowers all over it was the best thing on the planet will be 18 and out in the big world on her own. It simply doesn't seem possible. 

I'll never forget her second Halloween when she dressed up like Piglet or how she always wanted to sit on the kitchen counter and watch me cook. I'll never forget going on walks and having to stop every few yards so she could squat down and watch the ants on the ground or watching tears fill her eyes when her Elmo balloon slipped off her wrist and floated away.

When she is out there on her own I will worry as every parent does. But this is a strong girl.  

"It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that! " 

My girl is no coward. She is strong. She has had some hits in her life already and they have shaped her into the beautiful person she is. But she is young and life will hit her hard many more times in years to come. And I will be there for her every single time. I will always love her, no matter what. No matter what happens. I will always be there to help her find her strength and to help her stand again when life knocks her on her backside.

She has a strength that inspires me every day. On those days that I'm trying not to let my struggle to just put one foot in front of the other show, she sees it and hooks her elbow in mine and encourages me or hugs me and tells me she loves me. And when I see she is having one of those days she sits on my bed and we talk and go to Starbucks for one of her favorite drinks. 

She's special and strong and beautiful in every way. On the day she was born 17 years ago I knew I had been given a precious gift. I had no idea what an amazing and blessed experience being her mother would be.

Happy birthday Panda. I love you more than I can say.

 

Do Not Mistake My Kindness for Weakness

Why do we often perceive kind people as weak or out of touch with reality?  We often think of them as naive and imagine that they must have had a life free of troubles because if they had experienced hardship in their lives then they wouldn't be kind.  I disagree.

Kindness isn't weak at all.  Kindness is strength.  

I once told a friend that I had decided to seek therapy for some depression and that I wasn't happy about doing so because it made me feel weak.  His response was that acknowledging that I needed help and taking steps to get help are signs of strength, not weakness.  I think he's right.  And I think the same is true of kindness.

Such is the mindset of Brandy at the beginning of our story.  Such is the mindset of many victims of mental and emotional abuse.  They don't want anyone to see their pain because pain and tears indicate weakness and because no one would believe them anyway.  No one would believe them because mental and emotional abuse don't leave visible scars.  The victim has no proof.  They don't even know it's abuse because at some point they began believing the things their abuser says about them.  They think they really are worthless and weak.  They believe they are a poor excuse for a wife or husband, mother or father.  They think they deserve to be treated the way they are treated.

Brandy was married to a mentally and emotionally abusive man.  She denied her anger, even to herself, during her marriage.  Years later, she is just beginning to acknowledge it and our story is about her facing her anger and refusing to let it continue controlling her. 

She begins to heal and move on with her life after falling in love with Scott.  He is not her savior though.  He is her lover and a true friend.  He shows her the beauty he sees inside her.  When she feels powerless and is tempted to quit trying he makes her dig down deep and find the strength she has buried.  Scott doesn't save Brandy.  He helps her save herself.