In the Blink of an Eye

That's all it takes - the blink of an eye. 

Sometimes you see the blink coming because you are the cause of it. Sometimes you know you have to tell someone something that is going to hurt them or disappoint them.  It gnaws at you until you tell them and tears you up once you do tell them. 

Sometimes you are blindsided by the blink. Something happens or something is said that you didn't see coming at all and in an instant your feelings are turned upside down. One moment everything is fine, the next . . . not so much.

Part of life I suppose. We can't prevent being blindsided. No matter how careful we try to be, it's going to happen now and then. 

And try as we may sometimes we will unwittingly be the cause. We are human and sometimes we mess up.  Sometimes we mess up really big.  Sometimes it's with the person we care most about. 

It sucks to be on either end. On the receiving end we have to decide how to react. If it has shaken our emotions that means it involves someone we care about deeply. That's tough.  When we are the cause, we have to offer our apologies, acknowledge our mistake, and then wait as the person we hurt decides what happens next. Ugh! The waiting!

Life is an adventure! Sometimes it's high mountaintops and sometimes it's Death Valley, and there's a lot of in between.  
 

A Poison Tree

A Poison Tree by William Blake

I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.

And into my garden stole.
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see,
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.



My first impression of this poem was that Blake was saying that unexpressed anger is deadly, sometimes literally and sometimes figuratively.  As I read about Blake, however, I learned that his message is larger than I first believed.

William Blake was raised by parents who were non-conformist on religious matters.  They read and believed the teachings of the Bible but they did not ascribe to the teachings of the Anglican Church of the day.  The Bible and religious/spiritual themes permeate both Blake's poetry and his visual art.  He believed that he saw angels and spoke to spirits.  He felt that he was used by such beings to communicate their messages.

Blake believed that human emotions should be allowed the freedom to be expressed and that the human spirit grows when this happens.  He called this existence a state of "innocence".  

"A Poison Tree" is one of 26 poems in a collection called Songs of Experience.  This collection of poems is an attack on the Anglican Church's teachings that humanity's "sinful emotions", including anger, should be stifled.  In fact, the first title for the poem was "Christian Forbearance", which he changed.  Blake saw this effort to make human emotion conform to doctrine or rules as very detrimental to the human spirit.  He called this existence a state of "experience".  

Some see the apple in the poem as being suggestive of the apple in the biblical story of Adam and Eve.  Biting the forbidden fruit brings spiritual death to Adam and Eve.  "A Poison Tree" suggests that unexpressed anger grows and bears fruit that kills human spirit.  

In the video below Martin Christopher does a beautiful reading of William Blake's "A Poison Tree".  Enjoy.

Such is the mindset of Brandy at the beginning of our story.  Such is the mindset of many victims of mental and emotional abuse.  They don't want anyone to see their pain because pain and tears indicate weakness and because no one would believe them anyway.  No one would believe them because mental and emotional abuse don't leave visible scars.  The victim has no proof.  They don't even know it's abuse because at some point they began believing the things their abuser says about them.  They think they really are worthless and weak.  They believe they are a poor excuse for a wife or husband, mother or father.  They think they deserve to be treated the way they are treated.

Brandy was married to a mentally and emotionally abusive man.  She denied her anger, even to herself, during her marriage.  Years later, she is just beginning to acknowledge it and our story is about her facing her anger and refusing to let it continue controlling her. 

She begins to heal and move on with her life after falling in love with Scott.  He is not her savior though.  He is her lover and a true friend.  He shows her the beauty he sees inside her.  When she feels powerless and is tempted to quit trying he makes her dig down deep and find the strength she has buried.  Scott doesn't save Brandy.  He helps her save herself.